NEWSRADIO #211 "Station Sale" Teleplay by Leslie Caveny & Brian Kelley & Lew Morton Story by Joe Furey & Josh Lieb & Paul Simms Directed by Tom Cherones SHOOTING DRAFT/1st Rev. November 14, 1995 CAST Dave...Dave Foley Jimmy...Stephen Root Lisa...Maura Tierney Matthew...Andy Dick Beth...Vicki Lewis Joe...Joe Rogan Catherine...Khandi Alexander and Bill...Phil Hartman ---------------------------------------------- Jane...Maureen Mueller ACT ONE SCENE A INT. BULLPEN (CONFERENCE TABLE) - MORNING (D-1) (Dave, Joe, Beth, Bill, Jimmy, Lisa, Catherine, Matthew) Dave is concluding the morning meeting DAVE: And finally, let's remember that the snacks over by the coffee machine are for snacking purposes only. JOE: Meaning what? DAVE: Meaning... Don't use the snacks as your primary dietary source. Leave a cookie or two for others. BETH: Don't look at me. Stop it. Don't. DAVE: No one's looking at you. BETH: Yes, they are. Just because I make next to nothing everyone thinks I'll eat anything that's free and that's simply not true. DAVE: Nobody thinks that, Beth. BILL: I do. DAVE: Thank you, Bill. BILL: You know what she has for lunch? Ketchup-packet soup and Tic-tacs. BETH: I do not. BILL: Give the girl a raise already. It's making me sick. Beth shakes a packet of sugar into her mouth. DAVE: That's about all I have. Mr. James? You had something you wanted to say? JIMMY: Thanks, Dave. As you all know, I've been concentrating my energies lately on finding a wife. LISA: How's that going? Jimmy pulls out his list. JIMMY: I've whittled my original list of thirty-six candidates down to twenty-nine. CATHERINE: Who'd you eliminate? JIMMY: With great reluctance, I had to scratch off Loretta Swit. CATHERINE: Already married? JIMMY: Not that I know of. The problem is no one can seem to locate her. MATTHEW: Hot Lips! DAVE: (LOOKING AT WATCH) Was that what you wanted to tell us? JIMMY: No, no. What I was going to say is: There comes a time in a man's life when a change must occur. Change, as the great philosophers have told us, is a catalyst for... yes, Beth? BETH: Can I be excused? Because I think I have some secretary type work to do. JIMMY: Go ahead. I understand. In fact, anyone who has any work to do, just go ahead. Anyone who wants to stick around and hear what I have to say... can just stick around. The entire staff gets up and walks away -- Dave into his office, everyone else in the other direction. Joe remains seated at the table. JOE: So what's up? JIMMY: I'm selling the station. The entire staff freezes in their tracks for a beat. Then -- as a unit -- retraces their steps backwards to the conference table and sits down. Dave steps out of his office. DAVE: (CHUCKLING) I'm sorry. I thought I just heard you say-- JIMMY: You heard right. I am currently in negotiations to sell WNYX. I wanted to tell you people about it before you read it in the papers tomorrow. A beat. BETH: Um... I think someone should check on Matthew. They turn and look. Matthew is still frozen in mid-stride, from when everyone was walking away from the conference table. Catherine puts her arm around him and walks him back. CATHERINE: That's right. One leg in front of the other... DAVE: Who are you in negotiations with? JIMMY: Robertson Communications. They own a whole bunch of AM stations. They're good people. JOE: (PISSED) This is completely bogus. Completely bogus! DAVE: Settle down, Joe. BILL: Companies change hands every day. It doesn't mean it'll effect our lives in any way. JOE: Yeah, but it's still bogus. BILL: What exactly is so "bogus" about it? JOE: (BEAT) I don't know. But I know there's something bogus in there somewhere. BILL: In the future, it might help if you located the source of your rage before you unleashed it on the world. LISA: Okay, okay. Mr. James, this is... this is very upsetting. DAVE: It really is a shock. JIMMY: I know. That's why I decided to spend a moment with you people to make sure you're okay. A silent [?]. People are still stunned. JIMMY (CONT'D): (LOOKING AT WATCH) I'm glad we could have this moment together. DAVE: Where are you going? JIMMY: I've got another meeting with the Robertson people. I love the smell of a negotiating room in the morning. Smells like... DAVE: Victory? JIMMY: What? DAVE: Victory. You know... "Apocalypse Now." JIMMY: I'd love to stand here and talk movies with you, Dave, but I got a deal to close. Later people. Jimmy walks towards the exit. The staff sits at the table, silent, in shock. MATTHEW: Is that it? No one's going to do anything? (STANDING) Are you all just going to sit there and do nothing? BILL: (STANDING) No, sir. I for one... am going to get a cup of coffee. MATTHEW: No sale. No sale. No sale. Come on you guys. (CHANTING LOUDER) No sale! No sale! No sale! Matthew stands on his chair. DAVE: Matthew, be careful. MATTHEW: (CLAPPING HANDS OVER HEAD) No sale! No sale! No-- Matthew loses his balance as the chair slides out from under him and he falls out of the frame. Behind him, Bill watches impassively while he sips his cup of coffee. BILL: So I take it you're against the sale? CUT TO: OPENING CREDITS ACT ONE SCENE B FADE IN: INT. DAVE'S OFFICE/BULLPEN/DAVE'S OFFICE/BULLPEN/ELEVATOR FOYER - MOMENTS LATER (D-1) (Dave, Lisa, Joe, Beth, Catherine, Bill, Matthew, Jimmy, Jane) Dave and Lisa are talking. DAVE: Do you know anything about this Robertson Communications? LISA: Nothing at all. DAVE: I mean, is this the kind of company that's going to come in and fire everyone? LISA: No, no. Calm down. There's no reason to panic. DAVE: Sorry. LISA: They're not going to fire everyone. They'll probably just... hold us all to our contracts and change the format to Soft Rock of the Seventies until we get so sick of hearing "Afternoon Delight" that we kill ourseleves and they hire new people to fill our positions. DAVE: That imagination of yours is an absolute curse. LISA: Yeah... my parents didn't let me watch television. Joe enters. JOE: (TO DAVE) You know anything about this Robertson Communications? DAVE: No. JOE: (TO LISA) How about you? LISA: Nope. JOE: I do. DAVE: What? JOE: I heard the last station they bought? They fired half the staff and made everyone else take pay cuts. LISA: Where'd you hear that? JOE: I don't know. I think I read it in a magazine somewhere. But it's definitely true. Joe exits. LISA: Great. They're going to fire half the staff and make everyone else take pay cuts. Beth enters and interrupts. BETH: I just bought this jacket. Should I take it back? DAVE: I don't know. BETH: But I really like it. So if you know any reason why I shouldn't keep it-- DAVE: I don't know. BETH: Okay, okay. But it was pretty expensive... LISA: We don't know. BETH: (SUPER QUICK) Fine. P.S.: did you guys hear about the last station Robertson bought? LISA: Yeah. They fired half the staff-- BETH: ...And made everyone else get haircuts. They can't do that, can they? Beth exits. Catherine enters. CATHERINE: Alright, the rumors are flying out here. DAVE: I know. In here, too. LISA: What have you heard? CATHERINE: That at the last station Robertson bought, they eliminated Half 'n' Half and made everyone eat cold cuts. DAVE: That makes no sense at all. CATHERINE: What are they? Some kind of dairy or meat-processing conglomerate? Catherine exits. Bill enters. BILL: Well. DAVE: Well. BILL: (CHIPPER) I recorded those promos you wanted. DAVE: Thanks. Bill hands Dave a tape. BILL: I did a few variations, gave you a few choices. Have a listen. Bill turns to leave. LISA: Don't you care about the station being up for sale? BILL: Look on the bright side: Maybe these Robertson people will send over some free cheese and salami samples from one of their factories.\ DAVE: Aren't you worried about losing your job? BILL: (LAUGHS) Why should I be? My job is secure. LISA: What if they change formats? DAVE: What if they don't need a news announcer? LISA: Yeah. BILL: I have other talents. (DJ VOICE) WNYX: your home for the hits in New York City! (SOUTHERN VOICE) WNYX: All Country. all Western. All the time. (SPANISH) Con millionas voltas, WNYX tiene los "hits" Espanol de la Nueva York! LISA: That's enough. BILL: (UNINTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE) WNYX aga dos simbabbi horbubbi dindal hoorbos el New York! LISA: Okay, you made that one up. BILL: (INDIGNANT) Bok turrie uganbubbi do! Matthew enters. he's wearing a black armband. he starts to tie one around Bill's arm. BILL (CONT'D): (CALMLY) What are you doing? MATTHEW: Black armbands. We're all going to wear them. I mean, I only have two right now, but... BILL: You only have two? MATTHEW: Yeah. They're actually my socks, but-- Bill looks down at Matthew's feet. BILL: Get away from me, you barefooted freak. Matthew and Bill exit into the bullpen. INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS Bill and Matthew exit Dave's office. Bill crosses to his desk and sits down. Matthew follows. MATTHEW: But something must be done! Action must be taken. BILL: Why don't you... handcuff yourself to your desk or something? MATTHEW: Oh, right. Where am I going to get a pair of handcuffs? Bill calmly opens his desk drawer, reaches in, pulls out a pair of handcuffs, and sets them on his desk in front of Matthew. BILL: Yours is not to reason why, yours is but to do, and die. John Keats, 1776. MATTHEW: (BEAT) What if I have to go to the bathroom? BILL: Going to the bathroom is a privilege you just might lose if you sit idly by in these troubled times, my friend. MATTHEW: Maybe I better just cuff myself to a chair. BILL: Now you're talking. Matthew starts to walk away, and turns. MATTHEW: What are you doing with these anyway? BILL: I liberated them from the fuzz back in '71. MATTHEW: Word. BILL: What? Matthew goes to his desk and elaborately cuffs himself to his chair. he turns to the room. MATTHEW: Ladies and Gentlemen. Your attention please. In protest of the possible sale of this station, I have just handcuffed myself to this chair. My voice will be heard. The staff looks at him a beat. Joe is nearby. JOE: Where'd you get the handcuffs? MATTHEW: Bill gave them to me. Actually, this whole thing was his idea. JOE: (CHUCKLING) Excellent. Joe and Bill exchange an amused look. Jimmy enters. MATTHEW: Well, Mr. James. Word travels fast, doesn't it? JIMMY: Hey there Matthew, nice bracelet. MATTHEW: I guess I've got your attention now, don't I? JIMMY: You certainly do. (BEAT) Now what happens? MATTHEW: Now you listen to my list of demands, which include-- JIMMY: Hang on. You mean this isn't a magic trick? MATTHEW: No. It's a protest. JIMMY: Oh. Jimmy walks away, towards... INT. DAVE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Jimmy enters. DAVE: Well, it's about time. JIMMY: Listen, Dave -- the Robertson people are on their way over for a walk-through. Let's see if we can get them out of here before Matthew sets himself on fire. DAVE: I just don't understand why you're doing this. JIMMY: It's not something I sought out. These people came to me, we started to talk, a relationship developed... I just have to play out this hand and see what happens. DAVE: It just doesn't make sense. Beth enters. BETH: Jimmy? There's someone here from Robertson Communications for you? Jane Robertson -- an attractive businesswoman -- enters. JIMMY: Dave? Meet Jane Robertson, President and CEO of Robertson Communications. JANE: Very impressive operation you've got here. JIMMY: Thanks, Jane. And you certainly brighten the place up. DAVE: Nice to meet you... Miss Robertson. It is "Miss," isn't it? JANE: Yes. Nice to meet you too. Dave looks at Jimmy, who avoids his gaze. DAVE: Could Mr. James and I have a moment? JIMMY: Go on out and meet the staff. JANE: I'd like that. What's the deal on the kid with the handcuffs? JIMMY: I don't know. I don't think he works here. Jane exits. DAVE: I don't believe you. JIMMY: (INNOCENTLY) What? DAVE: She's one of your wife candidates, isn't she? JIMMY: No. I mean, she wasn't on the original list, but it's like I told you: She came to me, we started to talk, a relationship developed... DAVE: And now you're going to sell her the station? You whore. JIMMY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not going to sell the station. But a few more hours locked in the negotiating room and I think I can win her heart. DAVE: This is so unacceptable. To put my staff -- your staff -- through this ordeal... JIMMY: Come on, Dave. Just give me till the end of the day. I break off negotiations now, she walks out of my life forever. DAVE: You amaze me. JIMMY: this is important to me. I've had enough of sleeping single in a double bed. Granted, it's the largest, softest, most expensive double-bed available, but... that just makes it lonelier. Dave looks at Jimmy a beat. DAVE: Fine. You have till the end of the day. Get out there... Jimmy turns to exit. DAVE (CONT'D): Hang on... Jimmy turns back. Dave breaks a flower off from the vase on his desk and puts it in Jimmy's lapel. He straightens the shoulders of Jimmy's suit. DAVE (CONT'D): Now go. JIMMY: Check my breath? DAVE: That's where I draw the line. Jimmy exits into... INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS Jimmy enters from Dave's office. Jane is standing by the coffee table, talking to Matthew. They're both smiling and laughing. Matthew is still handcuffed to the chair. JANE: So, is it a protest of some sort? MATTHEW: No, no. That's silly. No, it's actually a magic trick. JANE: What's the trick? MATTHEW: It takes like... an hour and a half. I'll show you some other time. JIMMY: Jane? Shall we try to hammer out a few things over lunch? JANE: Certainly. Nice talking with you, Mr. Brock. MATTHEW: Thanks, thanks. Matthew makes an effort to shake her hand, but since he's handcuffed to the chair, he can't. Jimmy and Jane walk away. Joe and Lisa immediately walk up to Matthew. LISA: So? MATTHEW: So, she's actually very nice. JOE: What'd she do -- offer you a free salami? MATTHEW: What? LISA: I don't think they're actually a salami company. MATTHEW: They're a salami company? JOE: Yeah. MATTHEW: You know, maybe this sale isn't such a bad idea. Bill exits the booth and crosses towards the elevator foyer. BILL: Yeah, if you like salami. MATTHEW: Bill, could you give me the keys to... Bill? Bill has exited into... INT. ELEVATOR FOYER - CONTINUOUS (D-1) Jimmy and Jane are waiting for the elevator. Bill rushes up behind them, then immediately turns casual and clears his throat. JIMMY: Oh. Hey, Bill. This is Jane Robertson of Robertson Communications. BILL: What a great pleasure it is to meet you. JANE: Nice to meet you too, Mr... BILL: MacNeal. Bill MacNeal. JANE: (TO JIMMY) So what are you hungry for? BILL: You probably recognize the voice. (RADIO VOICE) I'm Bill MacNeal. JANE: I'm afraid I don't, but it was nice to meet you. (TO JIMMY) You know, I really wanted to meet Catherine Duke. JIMMY: After lunch, my dear. Bill is troubles. He starts to walk away, then turns back. BILL: (SPANISH) Con millionas volas, WNYX tiene los "hits" Espanol de la Nueva York! The elevator doors close on Jane's puzzled look. BILL (CONT'D): Dios mio... ACT ONE SCENE C INT. BREAK ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS (D-1) (Lisa, Bill, Matthew, Joe, Dave, Catherine, Beth) The staff, except for Dave and Bill, sits around the room. Lisa is leading an informal meeting. LISA: So the important thing is that we all stick together. We're a unit. They take all of us, or none of us. Bill enters. BILL: Okay, people: let's go to Plan B. It's every man for himself. LISA: Bill... BILL: Right. Sorry. It's every man -- or woman -- hor him -- or her -- self. LISA: Will you relax? If we all stick together, they can't fire any of us. BILL: Hmm. Interesting perspective... Comrade Miller. LISA: (LAUGHS) You're calling me a Communist? The last thing we need right now is a power struggle. BILL: Absolutely. I'm with you. LISA: Good. BILL: All those in favor of maintaining a unified front stay here. Those of you who'd like to join my splinter group, meet me in the bathroom in five minutes. LISA: Alright, forget it everone. But I have two words for you: Afternoon Delight. BILL: What? MATTHEW: Can I please have the floor please? (STANDS, HOLDING DONUT) I have spoken with this Robertson woman, and she seems really nice. So...um...I want to be unlocked. BILL: You're going to stay handcuffed to that chair until Jimmy decides to keep the station. MATTHEW: Bill, please, I... Bill takes the donut away from him. BILL: What about your hunger strike? MATTHEW: I never said I was on a hunger strike. BILL: Well, start one. Joe sits in Matthew's chair. MATTHEW: Uh, Joe, that's my chair. JOE: I don't see your name on it. MATTHEW: I'm kind of handcuffed to it. JOE: Doesn't make it yours. Dave enters. JOE: All I know is I'm not going to get fired. CATHERINE: Why not? Joe holds up a small electrical component. JOE: Because of this. BETH: What's it do? JOE: I don't know. But I took it out of the radio transmitter, and only I know where to put it back. DAVE: Are we still on the air? JOE: Not in Jersey. DAVE: Please put it back. CATHERINE: What if we refuse to go on the air? BILL: Good idea. Give it a try. If it works, then I'm right there with you. BETH: If you guys don't want to go on the air, I'd be happy to give it a shot. BILL: Paris fell because of people like you. The rest of the staff ad-libs bickering noises. DAVE: Okay, okay, quiet down, everybody. (THEY SHUSH) Look. If -- and only if -- I can trust you all completely, I have something to tell you. STAFF: Of course./What is it?/I promise. Dave closes the door. DAVE: (QUIETLY) You have to promise to keep it a secret. BETH: We will. DAVE: Everybody has to promise. ALL (NOT IN UNISON): We promise. DAVE: Shh! Okay. Mr. James is not selling the station. He's just using that as an excuse to get close to that Robertson woman. A beat. The staff ad-libs disbelief. LISA: Why would he lie to us? DAVE: He's lonely, I don't know... it's over now. So everyone just relax. BILL: (PULLING HIMSELF TOGETHER) Now that this is all over, I think there are certain people in this office who should be ashamed of their recent behavior... Lisa. DAVE: If this information leaves this room, I'll probably lose my job, okay? People start to file out. DAVE (CONT'D): Joe, put that thing back in the transmitter immediately. And Bill, unlock Matthew. Dave exits. BILL: The key's on the top shelf. Bill exits, leaving Matthew alone in the room. Matthew tries to stand on the chair to which he's handcuffed to get at the top shelf. CUT TO: ACT ONE SCENE D INT. DAVE'S OFFICE/BULLPEN - LATER (D-1) (Dave, Jimmy, Bill, Matthew, Lisa, Beth, Catherine, Joe) Dave is at his desk, working. Jimmy enters, down. He takes the flower of his lapel and throws it in the trash can. DAVE: It wasn't your breath, was it? 'Cause I'd feel terrible... JIMMY: (NOT LISTENING) She broke my heart. DAVE: Jane? JIMMY: Yes. Jane. Wonderful Jane. How could she do this? DAVE: There are other women out there, sir. JIMMY: No, it's not that. It's worse. She made me an offer I can't refuse. DAVE: What do you mean? JIMMY: She wants to buy the station. DAVE: Well, it's not a bad offer, but-- Jimmy reaches over and unfolds the piece of paper. DAVE (CONT'D): (STUNNED) Oh my-- oh my. Oh wow. JIMMY: Yeah, well said. DAVE: What are you going to do about it? JIMMY: I already did it. I sold the station. DAVE: Not the path I would have taken but... (LOOKS AT PAPER AGAIN)... Actually, I probably would... JIMMY: Don't worry. If Robertson fires you, I'll find a place for you at one of my other businesses. DAVE: Doing what? JIMMY: You know anything about sheet metal processing? (THEN) Come on -- let's tell the troops. Jimmy exits. Dave follows. DAVE: Uh, sir... INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS. Jimmy and Dave enter. JIMMY: Your attention everyone. The station has been sold. It's a done deal. A beat, and then the entire staff bursts out laughing. Jimmy looks quizzically at Dave. DAVE: Okay, I've got some explaining to do... FADE OUT END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO SCENE E INT. BULLPEN - MINUTES LATER (D-1) (Catherine, Jimmy, Lisa, Dave, Beth, Joe, Bill, Matthew) CATHERINE: So that's it? It's a done deal? JIMMY: I'm afraid it is. I have to give Jane a call ad midnight to confirm, but unless I get a better offer before then, the deal goes through. LISA: You aren't lying to us, are you? Because Dave told us you weren't really selling... DAVE: Well, he wasn't really selling at the time-- BETH: Oh, right. Like we'll ever believe anything you say again. CATHERINE: I thought you loved owning this station. JIMMY: I do, Cathy. But you know my personal credo: CATHERINE: Actually, I don't. JIMMY: "Never let your emotions cloud a deal." That's rule number one. "Never let your emotions cloud--" CATHERINE: I got it, I got it. JOE: Are the new owners aware of how hard it's going to be to run the station without this? Joe holds up a small electronic part. DAVE: What is that? JOE: (TOYING) I'm not saying. But I would advise everyone to take the stairs instead of the elevator from now on. BILL: (CALMLY) I'd like to raise a practical question at this point. (SNAPPING) Why? Whyyy? JIMMY: I'm sorry! No one feels worse about this than me... but, you know, an amazing deal is an amazing deal. DAVE: No one's happy about this. But Miss Robertson seems nice and I'm sure everything will work out fine. BETH: (SARCASTIC): Tell us another one, Dave. Matthew walks in from the elevator foyer, still cuffed to his chair. He looks shaken. DAVE: You okay? MATTHEW: Yeah. But I was just on the elevator and it... like... dropped ten floors in about half a second. I feel like I'm going to throw up. And of course, I'm still handcuffed to this chair. DAVE: Bill, give me the keys. Give them to me. MATTHEW (TO LISA): I'm a little dizzy -- can I have your seat? LISA: (INDICATING HIS CHAIR) Matthew... MATTHEW: This is not a chair -- it's an albatross. DAVE: Bill, give me the keys. BILL: Fine. Bill tosses the keys to Dave. LISA: There's no way we can talk you out of it? JIMMY: (LOOKS AT WATCH) Alright. You got five minutes. DISSOLVE TO: ACT TWO SCENE H INT. BULLPEN - JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT (N-1) (Jimmy, Lisa, Catherine, Dave, Beth, Joe, Matthew, Bill) The night announcer is in the booth. The staff, discouraged, sits around the office, in the same general positions they were in before. There are empty pizza boxes lying around. Everyone seems to be thinking. Matthew is now uncuffed. Dave is pacing. LISA: Anybody? Anything? CATHERINE: Just give us five more minutes. JIMMY: It's been seven hours, you guys. I'm starting to feel like a snooze button here. I'm gonna have to make that phone call pretty soon. DAVE: Beth? Anything? Beth is at her desk, furiously scratching lottery tickets. BETH: I've won three free tickets and a coupon worth five dollars off a new microwave oven, but that's about it. CATHERINE: There's no shame in backing out of a good deal. JIMMY: There's only one reason to ever back out of a good deal. CATHERINE: What's that? JIMMY: A better deal. CATHERINE: Well... in your heart, you know that the best deal is to keep the station, right? JIMMY: If I relied on my heart for business advice, I would have gone broke a long time ago. Probably would have put all my money into stuffed animal factories or something. LISA: Well, what about us? We're your friends. JIMMY: We'll still be friends. LISA: Not if you sell the station. JIMMY: Some friends. They think a beat. JOE: I get it. We haven't used the magic word. Please don't sell the station. JIMMY: That's just stupid. JOE: Well, I thought maybe you were trying to teach us a lesson. Manners... I don't know. Jimmy looks up at the clock up on the wall. JIMMY: Almost midnight. Anyone else want to try to talk me out of it? MATTHEW: Nooo (SMILES)... because we don't have to. JIMMY: Why's that. MATTHEW: Because I set the clock back ten minutes. It's actually 12:05! You had to make that call by midnight, and it's too late. Yes! A longe beat. JIMMY: Matthew, that twelve o'clock thing is just a loose guideline. I'm dealing with a corporation here, not magical fairies. MATTHEW: Huh. Jimmy starts reaching for the phone. DAVE: Wait a minute. You want a business reason not to sell the station. JIMMY: Exactly. DAVE: Well, every businessman's a gambler, right? JIMMY: Ah, gambling. The art of getting something for nothing. The perfect deal. DAVE: Exactly. Let's flip a coin. Heads, you sell the station, tails you keep it. JIMMY: Ooh, I love it. The ultimate wager. Bring it on. Dave flips a coin. They look at it. DAVE: Two out of three. JIMMY: Okay. Two out of three. Dave flips the coin. They look at it. DAVE: Three out of five? JIMMY: Alright. Dvae flips the coin. They look at it. JIMMY (CONT'D): Four out of seven? Dave flips the coin and peeks at it. He throws it across the room in frustration. Jimmy has dialed the phone. JIMMY (CONT'D): Well, now you know why I'm rich. (INTO PHONE) Jane? Jimmy. BETH: Mr. James? Hang on... JIMMY: Can you hang on for a second, Jane? BETH: Mr. James, if you keep the station, I'll give you (LOOKING IN POCKETBOOK) forty dollars. JOE: Oh, that's brilliant. Forty big boys. BETH: Okay then. Forty... nine. JIMMY: Forty-nine dollars? BETH: Yeah. Almost fifty dollars of my own money. Which is like... a whole lot of my salary. But I can go without lunches for a month. JIMMY: Beth. BETH: How about forty-nine... (PICKS QUARTER UP) twenty-five and... (THINKS) a piece of gum. This is all I have. But the way I see it, you can sell the station, for millions of dollars... JIMMY: Yeah. BETH: Or you can keep the station -- which is worth millions of dollars -- plus you make almost fifty bucks. Jimmy looks at Beth for a long beat, then puts the phone back to his ear. JIMMY (INTO PHONE): Sorry to keep you waiting, Jane. Guess what? I'm going to have to pass. What can I tell you -- a better deal came along. We'll talk tomorrow. EVERYBODY: Hallelujah!/ Way to go, Beth. CATHERINE: I can't believe it's finally over. DAVE: (TO BETH) You're really something. BETH: I know. I'm starting to feel kind of magical. ACT TWO SCENE J INT. DAVE'S OFFICE - NEXT DAY (D-2) (Dave, Jimmy, Beth, Joe, Jane) Jimmy is at Dave's desk, flipping through the paper. Dave is pacing. DAVE: (GUESSING) Okay then, was it... all some sort of weird trick to teach us the value of money or honesty or something? JIMMY: It was a better deal. Plain and simple. You still don't see the beauty of it, do you Dave? DAVE: I have to admit, I don't. JIMMY: Getting millions of dollars out of a company like Robertson? That's nothing. Deals like that happen every day. DAVE: Uh-huh? JIMMY: But getting almost fifty bucks out of a secretary who'll have to brown bag it for the rest of the month, now that's a deal you write home about. Jimmy goes back to reading his paper. Dave stares at him, until Jimmy looks up. Jimmy sets his paper down. JIMMY (CONT'D): Okay. What? DAVE: Come on. Just between you and me. Just admit it. JIMMY: Admit what? DAVE: Admit that you care about this station and the people who work here. JIMMY: Of course I do. DAVE: And that's why you decided not to sell. JIMMY: Oh, that's crazy talk. I made a sound business decision, and that's it. DAVE: You let your emotions cloud the deal, didn't you. Just admit it. Jimmy stares at Dave for a beat. JIMMY: What's it worth to you? DAVE: Five bucks. JIMMY: Ten. DAVE: Seven-fifty. JIMMY: Eight. DAVE: Done. Jimmy waits while Dave reaches into his wallet and sets down eight dollars on the desktop. JIMMY: Okay. The people in this station mean the world to me. They're more than employees, they're family. And I can't imagine anything worse than having to part with them. (BEAT) Satisfied? DAVE: Yes. JIMMY: (POCKETING MONEY) Nice doing business with you, Dave. Jimmy counts his money. JIMMY (CONT'D): Six, seven, eight. Man, talk about a hot streak. I just can't lose! Beth enters and hands Dave a stack of messages. She has a box of donuts under her arm. BETH: Here are your messages, Dave. DAVE: Thanks. (RE: DONUTS) What's with those? BETH: Oh, this is lunch. I figure that, now that I've single-handedly saved the station, I can steal from the snack table with impunity. JIMMY: Oh, Beth... that reminds me. I picked this up for you on the way here. Jimmy hands Beth a slender Tiffany's box. She opens it. BETH: A silver picture frame. Thanks so much... JIMMY: And here's the receipt, so you can return it. For cash. BETH: (NOW REALLY GRATEFUL): Thank you, thank you, thank you! She showers him with kisses. JIMMY: (CHUCKLES) You got me blushing. Jane enters. JANE: You ready, Jim? JIMMY: I'll be with you in a second. Jane exits. Jimmy picks up his jacket and starts toward the door. JIMMY (CONT'D): I think she likes me. DAVE: She's not mad at you for not selling? JIMMY: Just the opposite. It's like... this is kind of hard to explain, but: You know how when you float a bond issue, but you minimize the initial offering to-- DAVE: You're playing hard to get. JIMMY: Right. See ya. Jimmy exits. Dave goes to his desk to work. The lights flicker and we hear the sound of audio feedback. LFX: LIGHTS FLICKER SFX: AUDIO FEEDBACK DAVE: Joe! The lights come back on. LFX: LIGHTS UP Joe enters, with another piece of electronic equipment. JOE: Sorry boss. I'm still trying to figure out where this one goes. FADE OUT END OF ACT TWO